Don’t get me wrong. I like being alone, but occasionally I’ll seek out some social contact, only to be reminded why I like being alone.

Still, I experience loneliness from time to time. It is not about the absence of a warm body for a bump & grind, or even the lack of company of family or close friends. So what do I mean by this?

It is said that though intelligent people prefer to be alone, pangs of loneliness is common. To me, it is about not being truly understood by anyone because I see the world differently and so I communicate differently. Often, I have to consciously and willfully diminish my thoughts, what I say and how I feel in order to keep interactions favorable to the other. Inasmuchas this downplaying mechanism is a spirit-killer, I am still human and the social self in me longs for a connection.

Humans have the innate impulse to build identity through our peers’ perspective. Someone with advanced emotional intelligence will probably never be mirrored back accurately because they don’t “fit” simply for being different. While they’ll be able to break down and understand each individual around them, it will be unlikely that anyone in the group will be doing the same of them. Hence, the alienation.

When you know you’re conversing out of human tribal rituals, that no one has anything to actually say outside of stating reality, making up fantasy, or creating narratives of reality, and nothing you do has meaning while people pointlessly spout the opposite and insist our current social structures have some intrinsic value outside of the fact they were just made, not designed, you just start tuning out. That’s why small talk is difficult for me and leaves me exhausted having to adjust to the “audience” all the time.

When you attempt to communicate a certain way that you know how, you seem to others like you’re speaking a foreign language. You can teach your language but you can’t force someone else’s mind to approach thought in the same pattern you have. Some mimic the words, memorize the answers, but can’t apply the knowledge. Few seem particularly interested in looking inward unless there is a painful enough conflict.

But hey, the beauty is you can rationalize fulfillment in vapid interactions while knowing few will ever meet you at your level of thought. You realize people are not rude or inattentive, but just blind to where you are. They can only see so deep, and the depth you have created will only ever be seen by you. It shouldn’t matter in the big chaos of things-no one can truly know anyone outside of self- but the social animal still seeks validation in being mirrored by its peers. When this is not met, loneliness occurs.

When you understand how your chemistry responds to your beliefs, you can program those feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction inward, even when lacking the social mirror: You know you’re different i.e. weird/peculiar/odd/ eccentric, in so many ways, you’re keenly aware that no one will really “get you”. That alienated feeling stays with you and you learn to live with it.

You simply adapt. One day you’ll realize you’re often alone but rarely lonely.

A student of life: In service to goodness, beauty and truth. Like an open journal, I write for myself — for therapy, catharsis and sanity.